i don't like this feeling.
i don't like what i'm seeing.
i don't like the bitter taste spreading at the tip of my tongue.
i don't like the feeling of failure.

but what right do i have to say all this?
who am i to say this?
sometimes i feel that i don't even deserve to be in a good school like Cedar.
why did i slack? why is it that this year it turned out so horrible?

today we received our report books.
and i didn't like what i saw.
really. 92nd place in the level?
maybe some people will think that it's okay already.
at first i thought like that too.
but never did i know that so many people will get better results than me.
the irony is that i guess i'm the only one from my primary school that got such horrific results.
why is it that the word compare always goes around during the releasing of results?
well, it's the same.
when you get good grade, you compare..
compare so much that maybe you just didn't care about how others felt.
they don't show it, but i bet in their hearts, they're still hurt.
i was once like that too. comparing seemed like the best thing.
becos i never felt the bitter feeling of failure before.
maybe this is how it feels to be hurt like this.
i finally understand..

now i may seem like a spoilt brat, who always wants everything to be smooth and going her way.
but i'm not. i'm just feeling disappointed, in myself.

*sigh*
actually i don't wanna think about it anymore.
i just feel bitter and sour.
but nevermind. goodbye! :D